All throughout my life I have run into instances where I have been put below par. Not good enough. “Could afford to be a little better.” Plain. Ordinary. I was always in the second-best classes; the average reading group. And growing up going to a private school, surrounded by life’s future rocket scientists and politicians, if you’re not one of them, you don’t have much going for you.
Picture a tall, gangly girl with “boy-short” hair in the 5th grade. At my school, we were assigned to read certain books in a set amount of time, and then we were to take a test to see who the most attentive readers were. Then from there we were set into groups based on our score. Of course, I, not being the type of person to read any book that’s put in front of me unless it’s relatively interesting. I was not attentive with my school work and cared about the more important things of 5th grade. Like boys. So when the time came for each group to get together and have competitions against each other, I didn’t feel so great being where I was.
Imagine the same girl, now in 8th grade, sitting in a math classroom with some of her older schoolmates and a couple from lower grades, struggling with their work. I, having already finished my work, was reading or writing or doodling or whatever I saw fit on that particular day. Upstairs, there’s a class with all of my best friends; the highest math class in the school. Missing the entrance to that class by only 2%; I was excelling in my own math class, but still not good enough to make it to the next level.
Back then, I really didn’t know how to view myself. I didn’t feel very special. I didn’t feel like I was a valuable person. I didn’t really know my place in the world. Yet.
That very same year, my art teacher encouraged me to enter into a media-sponsored competition. This contest was in effort to rekindle the relationship between the US and Israel. Without even a twinge, I went home with a reference to some architecture in Jerusalem. I came back the next day with my finished product, and gave it to her to turn in. Then it was completely gone from my mind. I made her happy. I got the grade. No big deal. Then a couple weeks later, my mom calls school. “Hey Marissa. Do you know anything about some contest with Babaganewz?”
“Um...yeah, why?”
“Oh, nothing really, except you won.”
I was one of 4 international students chosen from 1800 kids. Finally, I did it. I’m number 1. I wasn’t just another knick-knack on the shelf. I was finally a trophy to the school. I felt like an asset to my family. A jewel.
Then when I got to high school, everything changed from what I was used to. I was surrounded by teenagers who were not as educationally advanced as me. People who hadn’t gone to elevated private schools. I was in the top classes, because those were the requisites available to me. I was in an environment I was used to; full of kids who love learning and love school.
Today, when I look at life for what it is, I realize the amazing opportunities that present themselves. I realize how fortunate I am to be receiving a good education, with teachers who respect me and trust me and know how much I cherish knowledge. I realize the good in my friends and how much I like some people more than others. I realize those people, or that person, who just stands out of the crowd-who are not afraid to be themselves. Who love life and make the most out of it. I realize how much I wasted on some people just because I believed in my feelings for them. I realize how they're throwing their life away and how they were never as amazing as I thought. I realize my mistakes, yet don’t regret them because everything happens for a reason. If I hadn’t have done those things, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I wouldn’t love my life and the people who are in it. I wouldn’t be excited to go to school to learn and to see friends. I wouldn’t want to be so involved with theatre and spend all my time not sleeping and devoting myself to putting on some sort of production. I wouldn’t have realized those few people who are good for me and make me genuinely happy. Now I truly know what my life is about.
It’s really true; life is what you make it. It doesn’t matter if you’re not the absolute best in others’ eyes; it’s how you view yourself that matters most. With that, others will perceive you based on how you see yourself. I’ve lived by that for 17 years now, or as long as I’ve understood what that phrase means, and its working better than I could have ever imagined.
(October 5th, 2008
Second Draft of Self Paper: Creative Writing
...I'm not quite sure what happened to the final paper.)
ecstatic